apparently the secret to your success is patron
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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