i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
