I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
