I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
