its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
