whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
