dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Let's get the cat blown out
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
