I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
