I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Randomize
