i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
