And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
