I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
