she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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