how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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