get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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