omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
