I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
