She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
