we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
