i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
