Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
