Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
