if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
