whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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