remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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