There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
