you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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