I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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