just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
True college students do jello shots in the library
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
