well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
