So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
