You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
