How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
