What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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