Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
