oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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