This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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