take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
