put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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