My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I supernannyed him into submission
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
