We need to start having sex underwater more often.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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