Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
