My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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