do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
