My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
