Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
