Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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