He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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