if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
