Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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