I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
